"Lord, I am not worthy to receive you...

This is an entry from my journal from last summer, but I wanted to share it. This is something I was thinking about in Mass today.

June 15, 2009

So, my favorite part of the Mass is right after the Our Father and the Sign of Peace. We sing the Lamb of God and then kneel one more time before receiving the Body and Blood of Christ. The priest raises the Body and the chalice containing the Precious Blood and says "This is the Lamb of God. This is He who takes away the sin of the world. Happy are those who are called to His table." And we reply, "Lord, I am not worthy to receive You, but only say the word and I shall be healed." This line has, recently, really started to stick out to me. There is no why that I am worthy to receive that Body of our Lord into mine. I am a sinner who, despite her best efforts, will never stop sinning. Yet, Christ says it doesn't matter. Seek forgiveness and you shall be forgiven. He loves us even though we are not worthy of Him. He gave us His Body and Blood, not because we deserve it, but because He wants us to be with Him. This is why I could never really belong to another Christian denomination. Maybe another church has better youth-oriented worship. Maybe another church has more engaging sermons week after week. But, the fact of the matter is that no other church believes that the bread and wine is no longer bread and wine, but the Body and Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ. How can I abandon a church whose core belief matches my core belief? The Church has its problems, just as any human institution will, but I will stick by it and pray for the betterment for all. I also think that this is a good prayer for every day. I have been asked before if I have "asked Jesus into my heart." Yes, I have. But I also think that it's important to remember that we are not worthy to have Him there. It is only through His grace, His words that we are even remotely worthy.

One of my new favorite videos

I kind of really this really existed...

I Love Ash Wednesday!

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DONATIONS FOR RELAY FOR LIFE!!!!!

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take…

but by the moments that take our breath away.”

RELAY FOR LIFE WILL TAKE YOUR BREATH AWAY!

A 24-hour team event filled with fun, food and friendship, surrounded by people of all ages joined together to honor cancer survivors and remember loved ones who lost their battle.

Dear Family and Friends,

March is just around the corner, and it is almost time for Creighton University’s Colleges Against Cancer’s Relay for Life. You may now know a lot about Relay for Life, but it is a very important event to raise money for the American Cancer Society. This is an organization I am passionate because many people in my family have suffered from cancer. More than 70 percent of the money raised from Relay goes directly to support the American Cancer Society’s programs for research, education and services for patients and their families whose lives have been touched by cancer. 

I have already begun forming my 2010 team, and we will be participating in the 24-hour walk/campout at Relay for Life on March 26-27. My fundraising goal for this year’s Relay is large, and I really need your help to meet this challenge. But my challenge is nothing in comparison to the challenge that so many children and adults have to face 24 hours a day once diagnosed with cancer. I feel blessed to be part of such an important cause. This year Team Virginia is dedicated not only to my grandmother, who is currently fighting cancer, but also in honor of or in memory of all of those who are fighting cancer – the people of valor whose legacies pave the way for children and grandchildren to not have to fight this awful disease, and help guide each of us through life’s journey.

Please help support my efforts for Team Virginia this year with a tax-deductible contribution to the American Cancer Society. I am asking for only $20 from you, which is a small sum if we can find a cure for the suffering of millions. You can donate directly to me online at http://main.acsevents.org/goto/KatieKastl. 

My grandmother’s amazing courage and strength during her battle with cancer gives me hope and inspiration to help reduce the suffering and loss caused by this horrific disease. Together, we can make a difference!  Remember…There’s no finish line until we find a cure.

Warm regards and many thanks,

Katie Kastl

So....the Westboro Baptist Church is a Creighton Today.

and I feel kind of violated. These people seem so insensitive and are one of the more prominent hate groups out there today. They are only here for a half an hour, but I want the OFF my campus. No, God does NOT hate gays and lesbians and AIDS is not his punishment for those who like the same gender. Priests are not pedophile, boy raping men, like those people apparently think (that is what they are protesting here and at Creighton Prep today). It is weird, because I have seen these people on the Laramie Project and on the news and internet, but it is a lot more real when they are here at my home. I want them gone, because Creighton is a great place that is very open to all people, not matter what. You know, as a Catholic I might be going to hell (if you listen to this church's propaganda), but at least I am going there not hating my borther and sister. Love will hold us together, make us a shelter to weather the storm, and I'll be my brother's keeper, so the whole world will know that we're not ALONE!

Oh the Mass, and how you make me think

I love going to Mass! It always gives me something good to think about. Today, my favorite song was sung! It is called The Summons. The first verse says, "Will you come and follow me if I but call your name? Will you go where you don't know and never be the same? Will you let my love be shown? Will you let my name be known, will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?" I love this, because it really tells how, if you choose to follow Christ, your life WILL be changed. But, what does God have to do to summon you? Can he just call your name and when you say, "Yes?" he can send you on your way? The readings today fit this song very well (or really the song the readings...good job Tony Ward!). The first reading is the story of Isaiah when he is called to be a prophet. God says, "Whom shall I send?" wondering who will go in his name and serve his people. Isaiah turns around (or really in my mind, which is like a movie he turns around) and says "Here I am, Lord! Send me!" To me, this the reaction we should have to the call of the gospel. Oh, Oh pick me! pick me! We should be as a little child, jumping on our chairs, using all the restraint we have to keep from running up to God, pulling on his robes, and making him pick us.

This song fits well with the gospel too. Today's gospel is the story of Jesus calling James and John, as told by St. Luke. Jesus just calls these men, who probably had never even heard of him, and asks them to drop everything and follow him. They do, and little do they know that he will send them to the ends of the earth to let his love be shown and let his name be known. They are changed forever and let him grow in them.

The fourth verse goes like this, "Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name? Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same? Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around, through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?" This verse speaks a lot to me, personally. I have had people in my life tell me that my personality isn't good. I also seem (at least to myself) to have a hard time making friendships that will last a lifetime. I  have a hard time opening myself up and letting the real me show, because I am scared of being hurt. Maybe this is why I haven't had a lot of really serious boyfriends, or why when we are separated my friends and I from back home barely speak. Or maybe why I can't seem to fit into the jobs, etc. I (think) I want to fit into. I try to hide the parts of me that I think cause these things, so I can have what I think I want. I have to trust that this is all in God's plan, because sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) it is really hard to see where God is going with all of this and what he is calling me to do. This verse reminds me that God is calling me to love the me I hide, because he made it and he things that it is beautiful. I need to rid myself of the fear that is keeping me from doing what I want to do, and use the faith that he has given me to change the world into what it should be. Maybe I will only change things in small ways. And maybe I won't have the life that I think I want, but I have to try and trust in God that all will turn out alright. If I can't trust him, who can I trust in?

He is someone to fall back on

Some comedy,
You're bruised and beaten down,
And I'm the one,
Looking for a favor.
Still, honestly,
You don't believe me,
But the things I am,
Are the things you need.
You look at me,
Like I don't make sense,
Like I'm a waste of time,
Like I serve no purpose.

I am no prince,
I am no saint,
But if that's what you believe you need.
You're wrong,
You don't need much.
You need someone to fall back on.

And I'll be that,
I'll take your side.
If I'm the only one,
I'm used to that.
I've been alone,
I'd rather be,
The half of us,
The least of you,
The best of me.

And I will be,
I'll be your prince,
I'll be your saint,
I will go crashing through fences,
In your name,
I will, I swear.
I'll be someone to fall back on.
I’ll be the one who waits,
And for as long as you’ll let me,
I will be the one you need.
I’ll be someone to fall back on:
Your prince,
Your saint,
The one you believe you need
I’ll be - I’ll be
Someone to fall back on.


This is a song by Jason Robert Brown. It was also sung by Aly in the movie Bandslam. This song has been stuck in my head for a long time, becoming a favorite for shower singing. I think that thing song beautifully sums up my view of Christ. I know, I know. You're sitting there thinking, but Christ IS the Prince of Peace, the ultimate Saint, one for us to model our lives after. Yet, I think that Christ only took on this role because we needed Him to.
I want to look at it line by line. He says "some comedy/you're bruised and beaten down/and I'm the one/looking for a favor." I like this. Even, not ESPECIALLY when we are bruised and beaten and at the lowest point in our lives, Christ calls out to us and asks us for a favor--He asks us to take up His cross and continue on the journey. He asks us to trust in Him and and trust that He will lead us out of the hurt.
The next part is "Still honestly/You don't believe me/But the things I am/Are the things you need./You look at me/Like I don't make sense/Like I'm a waste of time/Like it serves no purpose." A lot of the time I just look at everything God is asking of me, the life I have to lead in order to be a Christian, and I just think it doesn't make any sense. Why would a God who wants us to have eternal glory with Him call us to get down on our hands and knees and serve? Why would he call us on the hardest road we can choose from? Why can't God be like the God that some preachers preach about? The God who wants us to do well in life and saves us if we are monetarily well off? Yet, I read the Gospel and that is not the life I am called to live. Sometimes living that life is hard, it gets you down and you wonder where all the sense in it is.
In the next part, Christ tells us He is no prince, He is no saint. We think we need Him to be that, but we really just need someone to fall back on. That has recently been the image of Christ in my mind (and I generally think of God in terms of Christ, it is the easiest image for me to focus on and connect with). This image of Christ is just this: someone to fall back on. He is the person who is always there for me no matter what: my best friend.
The next par is "And I'll be that/I'll take your side/If I'm the only one/I'm used to that/I've been alone/I'd rather be/The half of us/The least of you/The best of me" Christ will always be the one to take your side, even if the rest of the world seems to be against you. When is says "I've been alone" I think of Christ on the cross. It looks like He has been abandoned, even by God as He cries out "My God, my God, why have You abandoned me?" Yet, He is not alone. God raises Him on the last day and He sends his apostles to the whole world. He then says, "I'd rather be/The half of us/The least of you/The best of me." I had a hard time a first reconciling with the "least of you/the best of me." Why would someone want the least of one, the best you. Then, I realized that the least of you (of us) is still amazing. The best of me (Christ) is low. The best and least make something amazing (I didn't explain that well, sorry).
The last part says, "I'll be your prince/I'll be your saint/I will go crashing through fences/In your name/I will I swear/I will be the one who waits/For a long as you let me/I will be someone to fall back on" Even if we don't really need Christ to be our prince, He will be it because He loves us so much. He will wait for us to come to Him for as long as it takes, He will be there for us when we are ready. He is always there to fall back on.