Labyrinth

At the parish we stayed at in Tuscan there was a labyrinth. A labyrinth is an ancient form of prayer. It is not a maze. There is only one path: the way in is the way out. It represents life's journey. I was reflecting on this one morning as I walked the labyrinth. The funny thing is, you can see the center. You start out walking straight towards the center, but then the path turns. Sometimes you are right next to the center, and sometimes you are as far away as you can possibly be. Sometimes you have to make a complete u-turn. I thought of these as periods of consolation and desolation. Sometimes you feel God very much and are close. Other times, you don't are you are far away from Him. Sometimes you mess up and you have to u-turn in a new direction. But you keep walking the path because ultimately it will lead you to happiness.
Then you get to the center. As much as you would want to stay there forever, you have to leave. You have to go back into the fray of winding paths and u-turns. You go through consolation and desolation, wondering if you will ever get out. You see the end and want to cheat and just leave. But you can't, because it is the path that you have chosen to take.
I don't really know why God has us walk these labyrinths, but He does and ultimately I will see the end and it will all have been worth it: I have faith in that.

The Flying Nun:

The Look of American Sisters in a Post Vatican II World.

This is a paper I wrote for my Women in the Christian Tradition class. Enjoy!

            Religious sisters and nuns have always sparked interest in the American public. One sees them walk down the street in their sweeping habits, and they spark a bit of intrigue and awe in the regular person. The habit was the most distinctive attribute of the sister. The Second Vatican Council sparked a wave of renewal in the life of the Church, including in religious orders. This wave of renewal brought about controversy between those within and outside religious communities about what renewal of the habit meant for religious women. Should women leave the habit behind and blend in with the community? Or should they keep to their traditional habits? Yet, fifty years later, young women are again seeking out habited orders. Most religious sisters have found a happy middle ground between the two.

A Picture of the American Nun before Vatican II

Religious sisters have been around for as long as the Christian Church has been in existence. For most of its history, the religious life was seen as an escape for women. Being a wife and mother was an unavoidable part of secular life. If one did not want this, they joined a convent.[1] This life also gave women a distinct advantage. Despite not being seen as full equals by men, religious sisters still received an education and lived an independent life.

There are two different types of religious women in the Church: nuns and sisters. Those who live in a cloister are within convents and are contemplative. They take vows of poverty, celibacy, and obedience, and to live a life primarily of prayer and meditation within their cloister.[2] In contrast, a sister may leave the convent to serve in apostolic work.[3] This paper will focus on the latter. While it is important to note that there are orders of cloistered nuns in the United States, it is the sisters who are in the world with the people and who are most affected by the decrees of the Second Vatican Council. I will focus my paper on these sisters.

By the mid 18^th century, sisters came to America, many on the request of John Carroll, to help educate American Catholics. On top of the seven hours of prayer, as well as manual labor at the convent, American sisters taught in schools, ran hospitals, or generally helped in the local community became too much for the sisters. They soon realized that the rule they lived by would not be successful unless they adapted their rules to their American needs.[4] Canon law only recognized the cloistered, contemplative nuns, and only in 1900 did Rome “recognize active communities that taught, nursed, and helped the needy outside their convent walls as authentic religious within the church.”[5] For the American religious sister, recognition and support would always be an uphill battle. They tried to be in the community, to walk the path that the people they served walked. Yet, they struggled to find acknowledgment and aid from within their own church. It will take centuries and a worldwide ecumenical council to officially recognize the universal call to holiness and the need of religious to be in, but not of the world.

The way American lay people saw sisters before the Second Vatican Council reflected the views of the Vatican. A religious sister was someone who one did not engage in casual conversation. They lived in cloister, closed off from the contaminated world. Rather than looking as an act of deprivation, it just projected an image of superiority over laywomen. They were looked at as so superior and so religiously above the rest; some even saw them as “quasi-clerical.”[6] Sisters did not appear to the laity as someone who could pray for them and aid them in their spiritual journey. Rather, they seemed closed off from the world, aloof, and on religious high ground.

One of the greatest ways a sister seemed above and beyond this world was the habit that she wore.  When the habit first appeared in the 3^rd century, it was a simple veil. Married women wore veils, and since sisters are the bride of Christ, should they not also? Black became the color of choice because it was the easiest to keep clean.[7]  In these earlier days of religious orders, their dress was not necessarily unique. They wore long, dark robes to show poverty and their solidarity with the poor. They wore the undecorated, ill-fitting dress of the poor.[8] As the decades went on, fashions changed and the clothing of religious sisters did not. Thus, they no longer reflected the clothing of the poor they strove to be in commonality with. Sisters, because of their stand-apart dress, began to be seen as separated from the “regular folk.”[9]

A style of dress that began as a symbol of solidarity and unity has, over the years, ironically turning into a symbol of isolation and supremacy above the rest of the religious population. Many orders refused to change their dress in favor of staying true to their foundress’s designs, even when fashions radically changed. These sisters kept the buttons and closures that eventually became hard to obtain[10], and veils that no longer served their original purpose. The habits were time consuming to put on, and they cost a lot to maintain. It is no wonder that many embraced the call from the Second Vatican Council to update their expensive and cumbersome look.

One of the most well known orders that exemplified this type of habit were the Daughters of Charity, whose habit was made famous by the 1960s television series “The Flying Nun.” Their cumbersome habit included five yards of fabric that made up the “skirt, a kind of wide-sleeved tunic, an apron, and a starched white collar, topped with a cornette: gravity-defying headgear that resolved itself into dramatic points that protruded nearly a foot or so from either side of the head.”[11] To get the look of the cornette, the linen had to be starched and dried on zinc plates, then folded and pinned. Having to dress like this every day, it is no wonder that many sisters pulled the habit off the day that the Vatican told them they could. Especially the Daughters of Charity, whose headpiece was time-consuming to maintain and put on had become obsolete to the original purpose of a sunbonnet and that “it obscured the sisters’ vision, and its unwieldy width caused the sisters to bump into windows and doors.”[12]Who wouldn’t jump at the chance to lose this habit in favor of one that had a mere veil or even one that had no head piece at all? It is no wonder that many orders chose to change the way they dressed after Vatican II.

Vatican II and Religious Sisters

            The Second Vatican Council addressed many issues in the Church at that time. Part of it was reflection of the Church upon itself. One of these documents was, Lumen Gentium, reveals that the Church sees itself as communion. In this document the Church changed from a “static, unchanging timeless entity to a dynamic, pilgrim people on a journey to their ultimate destiny, the fullness of truth found only in God.”[13] The Church now sees every member as holy, moving towards his or her ultimate end: God. The document also specifically addresses those in religious life. The document says,

Religious should carefully keep before their minds the fact that the Church presents Christ to believers and non-believers alike in a striking manner daily through them. The Church thus portrays Christ in contemplation on the mountain, in His proclamation of the kingdom of God to the multitudes, in His healing of the sick and maimed, in His work of converting sinners to a better life, in His solicitude for the youth and His goodness to all men, always obedient to the will of the Father who sent him.[14]

The document tells religious that they portray Christ to the world; they should represent Him to the people of the world. The document acknowledges that one can portray Christ through healing, through working directly with the people of the Church. It seems that the Church is again acknowledging religious sister’s desire to work outside their cloister and deeming it acceptable. In order to put aside the view of the laity that religious are separate from them, the document also states, “Let no one think that religious have become strangers to their fellowmen or useless citizens of this earthly city by their consecration.”[15] Just because they have consecrated themselves to the religious life, does not make sisters above and beyond the laity. Rather, they are a part of them, an extension of their call to holiness. The Church wants the laity to see religious women as one with them, not apart from them, changing the way religious have been viewed in the past centuries.

            Another document of the Second Vatican Council was Prefectae Caritatis or the Decree on the Adaptation and Renewal of Religious Life. The decree called for reform of external matters: reform in dress, lifestyle, rule, etc. Deeper reform was left in the hands of the religious themselves.[16] First, the decree addresses something that American sisters have struggled with ever since they came to this land. The decree states that

The manner of living, praying and working should be suitably adapted everywhere, but especially in mission territories, to the modern physical and psychological circumstances of the members and also, as required by the nature of each institute, to the necessities of the apostolate, the demands of culture, and social and economic circumstances.[17]

American sisters have struggled with rules and constitutions that could adapt to their new active lifestyle. The council is now allowing for the adaption of all orders to whatever circumstances they many find themselves living and serving in. Not only can missionary communities update to fit their circumstances, orders with active apostolates

should adjust their rules and customs to fit the demands of the apostolate to which they are dedicated. The fact however that apostolic religious life takes on many forms requires that its adaptation and renewal take account of this diversity and provide that the lives of religious dedicated to the service of Christ in these various communities be sustained by special provisions appropriate to each.[18]

The Vatican has finally acknowledged the challenges that active apostolate communities face when their rules are written for cloistered communities. Religious communities can update and renew their rules to allow them to serve the people of the Church the best way they can. Many religious sisters have taken this decree for renewal and adaptation as approval for adapting their dress to the norms of the people the work with.

            Finally, the document specifically deals with renewal of the religious habit.

The religious habit, an outward mark of consecration to God, should be simple and modest, poor and at the same becoming. In addition it must meet the requirements of health and be suited to the circumstances of time and place and to the needs of the ministry involved. The habits of both men and women religious which do not conform to these norms must be changed.[19]

The document shows that habits should not be stuck in time, as they have been for the past centuries. They should, as they did in the beginning, reflect the dress of the poor of their time and place. No more should habits be complicated and expensive as before, but they should serve their original purpose: solidarity with those whom they work with. This being said, many orders interpreted this as approval to shed the distinct habit and wear street clothes, putting them on the same level as those they work with.

Renewal of the Church and the Shedding of Habits

With the many documents produced by the Second Vatican Council on renewal of religious life, many orders found them to foster the practice of simplifying the habit. Some orders took to defining the habit as a ring, pin, or necklace and wear clothes similar to lay people. These sisters had reasons for doing so. Some simply found the habit too uncomfortable. Others felt they were unable to properly serve their community when people acted so pious and unnatural around them.[20] How can you truly serve the prostitute or the drug addict when they will not admit their faults because they are in the presence of a sister? In order to follow their call, they dressed in regular clothes in order to fit in with those around them.

            Many sisters saw the habit as an object that perpetuated the sexism and oppression of women by the Church over the centuries. They understood the habit at defining a sister’s state in society.[21] They were to be apart, unseen entities of the Church. They were hidden underneath yards of fabric and because they were undistinguishable from any other sister in their habit, the women had no individual identity or respect. Upon taking off the veil, many women began to discover their own identity as a person and many saw this as helping the orders grow.

            A lot of people think that the loss of the habit was traumatic for the sisters. Each order can tell its own stories, and some of them are traumatic. Many had a hard time relearning how to dress in the current fashions and to do their hair. Slowly some figured it out, but others gave up all together. This led to a new kind of unofficial dress of sisters: the inexpensive, polyester pantsuit.[22] Many sisters, especially the younger ones, could not wait for the change promised in Prefectae Caritatis. They quickly modified their existing habits, shortening veils and hemlines, scapulars became jackets, and others shrunk the habit into a ring, pin, or necklace that signified their vow to God.[23] Many sisters were inspired by the laity to shed the habit. They wished to be more accessible to the people they served and to once again be in solidarity with the poor. Most importantly, they wanted join the world rather than be apart from it, like the sister of days long past.[24] Habits could even be dangerous for some sisters. Not only do they separate the sisters from others, marking them off, and reinforcing stereotypes, they were sometimes a hazard.[25] In jobs that required manual labor, the yards and yards of fabric could get in the way and hurt the sister wearing them. They saw the habit as hindering this, so they let it go in favor of doing the work God called them to do more readily. 

However, older nuns were less likely to rush to the end of the habit. Women who still choose the habit see it as a way to avoid frivolous time and money at clothing stores, staying more true to their vow of poverty. They also show the world that they are dedicated to God and ready to help them. They also encourage community, since everyone is dressed the same.[26] Habits also advertized their help and their orders. If a young woman saw a woman doing good work, who also happens to be in a habit, they may inquire about the order and maybe even find their vocation. If sisters do not have habits on, how can young women seeking to join an order find them? They see the habit as a positive thing in their lives.

The Vatican’s declaration about the updating of habits not only caused a split between orders that kept the habit and those that did away with it, it also caused a rift within orders. The Immaculate Heart of Mary (IHM) sisters of Los Angeles, CA are one such example of this gap. In the aftermath of Vatican II reforms, the sisters were offered options for how they could dress. They could wear traditional veils, shorter veils, or no veil at all. They could even choose to keep the long dress, wear a shorter dress or wear modest street clothes.[27] Unfortunately, this marked a fissure within the community. In an effort to return to the intention of their foundress and wear clothes “intended to mark them as members of the working poor,”[28] some sisters decided to ditch the habit, and follow Mother Caspary’s example and return to their roots. The other side, consisting mainly of older sisters, wished to retain their traditional lifestyle. Fifty sisters voted against reform, adopted modified habits, kept common prayer, and continued to teach in parochial schools.[29] These disagreements caused the order to split into two groups, some of who are no longer religious. Unfortunately, everyone has an opinion about the Second Vatican Council and how the reforms should be integrated into their communities. It is sad to see that these opinions caused such conflict in communities, but with matters of faith and salvation, these issues are very important.     

The Faithful’s Return to Pre-Vatican II Ideals

            Even decades after the Second Vatican Council closed, the renewal of the religious habit is still a topic much discussed. Sisters, who were young at the time of the Council, usually sought more modern clothing for their orders. Yet, it is these same sisters who are appalled by the young women of today who wish to wear the habits that they fought so hard to discard.[30]

            The young people of today seem to want more from a religious order. They don’t just want to go half-way. Religious life is a radical commitment. It is forsaking everything our society deems important, sex, marriage, children, a successful job, and complete independence, for something she deems greater than herself: Christ. It is forsaking one identity and gaining another in Christ. As twenty-year-old Adrinenne Rowles says, “If you’re going to leave the world—if you’re going to give up marriage, a job—why do it half-way?...If you want to give yourself, then just go all the way.”[31]  If you were going to give up everything for God, would you want some kind of special outfit?[32] The life these women choose is so different and apart from the life they would life in the lay world. Such a radical commitment should be whole hearted, full on. Young women see this as wearing a habit. If you are going to forsake so much of the secular world, why not forsake all of it, including the clothing, fashion, and styles? They truly believe in the phrase, “God big or go home.”

            The more traditional orders have seen an increase in vocations from young people. The Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia in Nashville, TN wear habits, have communal prayer, and work in the Catholic school system. They are strict, but the strictness seems to be attractive. In 2000, the order had twenty new postulates, the most in the orders history.[33] Again, it is the feeling of young women to live a radical, faithful life for Christ. They want to denounce the secular world, and the most visible sign (to themselves as much as to others) of this is wearing a habit. Wearing the habit “reminds them they have given up everything—even their own clothes.”[34] Religious communities that try to attract vocations by advertising their decision not to wear a habit, and the individualism of their members have seen the fewest new members.[35] Perhaps it is because these sisters have become too invisible, too a part of the people, that they go unnoticed by women searching for their vocation. “Young adults who are seriously contemplating religious life want to embrace the challenge of communal life—or not bother at all.”[36] They want the entire package of religious life, even the wearing of the habit. Despite the decline of religious sisters in America since Vatican II, there seems to be a growing attraction this way of life among today’s American youth. This growing seems to include the habit.

Conclusion

            What then, can we make of all the different voices and opinions about the habits of sisters in our post-Vatican II world? Should we return to the habits of old, with the starched headdresses and long, thick dresses? Should we continue the original intent of the habit, by making it something like the poor wear? Or should the use of the habit be discontinued all together, giving religious sisters the option of what to wear? The answer lies somewhere in the middle: the modified habit. Modified habits can return to the original intent of the dress. They can be simple, easy to make and care for, and still be in solidarity with the poor whom the sisters serve. A modified habit also fulfills the desire of women who want a daily reminder of their vows and a radical giving up of worldly possessions for God. Of course, the final say is up to each order. The Vatican gave religious women the call to look at their orders and renew their dress according to their foundress’s original intent for her sisters. There may never be agreement among all religious women, and this plurality of people in the Church is what makes it so special, so unique, and it provides something for everyone who is searching for a home.

---

[1] Mary Ewens, O.P., “Women in the Convent” in American Catholic Women: A Historical Exploration, ed. Karen Kennelly, C.S.J. (New York and London: Macmillan, 1989), 17.

[2] Helen Rose Fuchs Ebaugh, Women in the Vanishing Cloister: Organization Decline in Catholic Religious Orders in the United States (New Brunswick, New Jersey: Rutgers University Press, 1993), 5.

[3] Ibid., 18.

[4] Ewens, “Women in the Convent”, 21.

[5] Ibid., 24.

[6] Mary Jo Weaver, New Catholic Women: A Contemporary Challenge to Traditional Religious Authority (Bloomington and Indianapolis: Indiana University Press, 1995), 71-72.

[7] Cheryl L. Reed, Unveiled: The Hidden Lives of Nuns (New York: Berkley Books, 2004), 63.

[8] Lucy Kaylin, For the Love of God: The Faith and Future of the American Nun (New York: William Morrow, 2000), 52.

[9] Ibid.,52.

[10] Ibid., 52.

[11] Ibid., 55.

[12] Ibid., 55.

[13] Maureen Sullivan, O.P., The Road to Vatican II: Key Changed in Theology (New York/Mahwah, NJ: Paulist Press, 20007), 91.

[14] Dogmatic Constitution on the Church,  Lumen Gentium (Vatican II, November 21, 1964), Chapter V

[15] Ibid. Chapter VI.

[16] Bill Huebsch, Vatican II in Plain English: the Decrees and Declarations (Allen, TX: Thomas More, 1997), 160.

Decree on the Adaptation

[17] Decree on the Adaptation and Renewal of Religious life, Prefectae Caritatis (Vatican II, October 28, 1965),   paragraph 3.

[18] Ibid., paragraph 8.

[19] Ibid., paragraph 17.

[20] Kaylin, For the love of God, 58

[21] Jennifer Heath, The Veil: Women Writers on Its History, Lore, and Politics (Berkley and Los Angeles: University of California Press, 2008),  81, accessed December 1, 2010, http://books.google.com/books?id=QhY-DpNCIcQC&printsec=frontcover&dq=the+veil&hl=en&ei=JMf2TKmmAsOqlAfl3_3zBQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=2&ved=0CD4Q6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q&f=false.

[22] Ibid., 62.

[23] Ibid., 60.

[24] Ibid., 64.

[25] Reed, Unveiled, 68

[26] Ibid., 51.

[27] Mark Massa, S.J., “Rate of Change,” Boston College Magazine 70 (2010): 36.

[28] Ibid., 37.

[29] Ibid., 38.

[30] Reed, Unveiled, 64-65.

[31] quoted in Colleen Carroll, The New Faithful: Why Young Adults Are Embracing Christian Orthodoxy (Chicago: Loyola Press, 2002), 104.

[32] Reed, Unveiled, 71.

[33] Ibid., 98.

[34] Reed, Unveiled, 70.

[35] Ibid., 103.

[36] Ibid., 103.

Faces

from October 18, 2010

Today was a full day. This morning we drove down to Nogalas, AZ, right on the border and home of one of the largest Border Patrol stations in the country. We talked with them about what they do and then we saw the station. I think I've just grown up with a general trust of authority. But, while their goals are noble (security of the country) they are failing. First, they said they wanted to control terrorism and keep WMDs from our country post 9/11. Good goal. But why the US/Mexico border? The terrorists that caused 9/11 were all Middle Eastern (fanatics and most Middle Easterners condemn what they do) and they were all here on legal visas. Going to the detention center at the station was the hardest part. People were packed into cells and agents were so detached while processing them. No one seemed to care (though I think that is the only way to get through the day. If you care, your job will destroy you). When we asked about the blankets a lot of them had wrapped around their shoulders, one agent just brushed it off, saying, "Oh, it's a little cold in there." It just seemed like they forgot these people were human. They had about 100 people detained, caught in the last 24 hours. While we were there, they brought in about 20 more people. One girl looked just like Alejandra (a girl whose home I stayed at this summer). It was hard. They just looked so scared. They treat all of them like felons, but most just want to feed their family.

This afternoon we went to Operation Streamline. This is the government's program to deport in an efficient manner. 70+ people were there. They all had their rights read to them, they pleaded, and were sentenced in an hour and fifteen minutes. They went in groups of five. They only met their lawyers that morning. All plead guilty and now have a misdemeanors on their records. Court proceedings were gone. A lady started cleaning the headphones they use to hear the translators in the middle of people's plea cases. Lawyers walked in and out. It was a mess and if it was a citizen there, no one would allow it. 10 minutes. That's all it takes to be found guilty and go to jail. There was something so inhumane, so mechanical about it. But, they all had faces, had stories, had families, had lives. For everyone there it is just another day at work. We need to ask why these people are coming here and not just treat them as hard-core criminals. We need to make it easier to be legal, rather than patrol for people in the desert. We went through a government check point when driving. "Are you a citizen?" "Yes." "Have a nice day." If we looks Hispanic, we would have had to prove it.

Borders

from Oct 17, 2010

Borders are such an immaterial thing. Growing up borders where such a mystery and an excitement. In the smack-dab-middle of Oklahoma, a Texas plate was exciting, God forbid we see one from Florida or Washington. Borders were something you crossed on roadtrips or something else. But those are still just state borders. Country borders have nothing near them. They are desolate, alone, and no one would dare walk across one. Yet, I come to Tucson, 60 miles from the border. About a 3 days walk. That is it. And people live right up on the border. An Native American's tribal land goes straight across it. And unlike state borders, there is a wall on a lot of the US/Mexico border that tells you exactly where it is. I think a lot about the ease we cross the Nebraska/Iowa border. There is a bridge where you can walk, run, bike, whatever across the border. No one is going to stop me in Iowa and ask for papers. I go to school in a different state than in which I live. Yet, my Oklahoma I.D. is perfectly fine. Borders are fragile things, made by human beings. Yet, we are still all humans, and that never ends.

Be Not Afraid

From October 17, 2010

Today we sang "Be Not Afraid" in Mass. I think that this might just be my favorite hymn. It is very apropos to sing a hymn about wandering in the desert and relying on God when we are facing the fact that people wander through the desert into this country and we will be wandering in the desert of Tuesday. I feel that I will not get through this week, especially Tuesday, without Him. The one part that is resonating with me right now is "And if wicked tongues insult and hate you all because of me, blessed, blessed are you." Being hated does not seem like a blessing. But the Bible, especially the Gospels, are full of seeming contradictions. I think right now I am wrestling with these seeming contradictions and I am trying to understand them. Why would God call us onto a path that will not be east. Why is salvation hard and what is right always the wrong thing in the eyes of society? Why do we treat others like dirt and sub-humans in the name of freedom and justice?

Fall Break Experience

This is the beginning of a back log of entries from my Fall Break Immersion trip in Tucson, AZ. Here is a little about what we did first:

We spent Oct 16-Oct 20 in Tucson. We went there and stayed at Most Holy Trinity Parish. The pastor there, Fr. Bill, and the social justice coordinator, Leo, helped us see the many side of the immigration issue in America. Saturday we saw a play called "No Roosters In Arizona." It is based on the true story of four women who wandered the Arizona desert trying to find a home in America. Sunday we went to a Mariachi Mass (very fun!) and then to a forum about Scripture and Immigration. Fr. Bill gave a talk about what the Bible says about hospitality and Leo gave a talk about the history of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) and their recent statement, in conjunction with the Mexican Bishops, about immigration reform. Monday we drove down to Nogalas, AZ (right on the Border) and toured the Border Patrol Station and let them tell us about what they do. Then we went to downtown Tucson and set in on Operation Streamline, the governments way to streamline the plea hearings of people who entered the country illegally. Most pleas guilty and are sentenced in less that 3 minutes. We were there for an hour and fifteen minutes and about 70 people had their hearings and were sentenced.  Tuesday we went out with a group of Samaritans. The Samaritans is a group completely funded by volunteers and donations. Their goal is to go out into the desert, to leave water for those traveling through the desert, and to offer emergency first aid to those who are dying. They first took us to Sasabe, AZ where we drove to the wall that has been put up on the Mexican/American border. Then we drove and saw some wells that are on a federal wildlife reserve. They have put taps on them so people can refill their water jugs. Then we walked a migrant trail with them, checking to see if any water had been taken from a drop earlier that week (to see if the trail is being used) and we picked up litter (bottles, food tins, clothes, backpacks, etc.) on the trial. It was a very trying, testing, educational trip. I learned a lot, learned I knew so little, realized that I am blessed more than I ever knew, and tried my faith a little. But I know I came out of this experience stronger than I was before.

I will put up more journal entries later. :-)

Quick Thought

I wrote a couple of weeks age about my struggle with the passage from Job made famous by the praise and worship song "Blessed Be the Name." Then on October 24, 2010, the Psalm response for Mass was

The Lord hears the cry of the poor, blessed be the Lord.

I have been struggling with this. With what I have just experienced (in my immersion trip, by visiting with my Hospice companion every week, etc.) it is easy to think that the Lord does not hear the cry of the poor.  But, maybe the Lord does hear the cry of the poor. Maye He calls people like me to answer and alleviate the cry whenever, wherever, and however we are needed. I think it is important for me and for humanity to stand up for this call: to hear the cry of the poor.

Thoughts Post Immigration Immersion (more to come later)

For those of you who don't know, I was in Tucson over Fall Break doing an immersion trip to learn about immigration issues on the border. I will write more about the experience, but here are some brief thoughts that I have going through my mind right now.


I've been thinking a lot about suffering. I see a lot of injustices in this world and I have a vision of how to heal them. We, as a human family, seem to have lost sight of the intrinsic human worth of each individual in our search for personal gain and selfish desires. Yet, how can I affect all of these problems when there are so many? Do I just pick on and work on that? Do I try an affect change in all areas? 
A recognition of everyone as worth something would go far in this world. Yet, how is the best way to do this? I hope that by teaching (or youth ministering) I can help affect change. I can teach people and maybe a few will take what I  have said to them to heart and affect change in their own unique way. I just hope I can make some sort of difference in someone's life.


I think Natalie Grant says is beautifully in her song "Human"

We gotta do better than this cuz we only got 

One chance to make a difference 

We gotta do better than this cuz we only got 

One life that we've been given 

A little love, a little kindness 

A little light in this time of darkness 

It'll be what makes us different 

It'll be what makes us human 

I'm human, you're human, we are human 

Blessed Be the Name

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

I keep hearing this song everywhere, at Praise and Worship, on the radio, popping at random times in my head. This

song comes from the Book of Job.  Job tells the story of a man who lived in the land of Uz (Job). He was blessed by the Lord and had many things: children, camels, oxen etc. He was God-fearing and avoided evil. He was a good guy. One day, Satan came before the Lord. God said, "Have you seen Job? He is pretty awesome and no one is like him!" Satan says, "He is surrounded by blessings. If he was suffering, he would not be blessing your name." Then God allows Satan to control all of the things Job has been blessed with. In the end, everything is taken away from Job. After these things have happened, Job says "Naked I came forth from my mother's womb, and naked shall I go back again. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. blessed be the name of the Lord!" (Job 1:21). This class I am taking on suffering is really testing what I have believed my whole life, and I am struggling to come to terms with suffering and Divine providence. We haven't talked about natural suffering (earthquakes, tornadoes, etc.), but we have talked about suffering by human free choice. I am accept that humanity has fallen and we the choices we make can hurt others. But were we created like this? The professor of my class takes up the stance that suffering was even necessary to be elevated into the Beatific Vision. Through a really complicated process, we saw how he has come to this conclusion. But where I am struggling is, is suffering necessary? If humanity had never sinned, and we remained in our state of original grace, would we be elevated to the Beatific Vision? If we do have to suffer, how could our loving God create a world like this? I can bless the name of the Lord when life is going well, and I can even bless the name of the Lord when there is suffering because of our world, but can I bless his name when suffering is necessary for my salvation? I think a lot of my confusion is over this class, and my dealing with a very difficult topic to wrestle with. But, how can God willingly allow Satan to harm a child of his, a child who trusts him so completely?

Broken Records.

Sorry for the immense neglect of this blog the past couple of months. School hit me hard and unexpectedly. I don't know what it is about this semester: if it is the lack of a true summer vacation or this new internship that I haven't had to balance in in the past, or something else, but I have not been in school mode this first half of the semester. I also haven't been praying as much, and let me tell you, if you think that a few minutes in prayer a day don't make a difference, try going without them and you turn into me last Friday. I was drained. Literally running on empty. I couldn't process anything and at some points I could barely stand up. I was in a complete fog and schoolwork and work-work alike were neglected. I hope my essay I turned in last week was okay. I barely remember it. I NEED to find the time for prayer, time to devote totally to God. Right now I feel like a hypocrite: the life I led and the life I preached this summer is currently a lie. I am not living Totus Tuus. Why should all of those kids believe me when I don't even live the life. I miss daily Mass, but unfortunately it is hard to get my schedule to go with it. But a few minutes of prayer a day is a lot, and I need to do it! I can do it! And after 20+ hours of sleep this weekend, I think I am ready to fix my lack of prayer and make God more a part of my life. I feel like a broken record, saying this over and over, but sometimes I take two steps back and one forward, but the important thing is that eventually I do make it forward, even if it is just a tiny bit. A relationship with God is not a one time thing, but a life long journey. I am just trying to stay on the path.

Walking on God's Path: Introduction

Please bear with me. Almost all of this is straight out of my head onto the computer screen. I made typos, some grammar makes no sense and sometimes whole bits don't make any sense. Eventually I will edit, but for now writing it is the biggest accomplishment.

An Introduction, Preface, or Whatever Else You Want to Call It.

Hello! My name is Katie. This is my attempt at a memoir. Over my few years on this earth, I have seen God working in my life in many ways, helping me grow in my love for Him, my faith, and my desire to be a part of His Church. This story is about that journey that He has lead and is still leading me down. This is God’s path and I am just walking down it, trusting in Him and trying, despite my human weakness, not to get lost: lost in my selfish desires, lost in this materialistic and secular world, lost by following prompts from the Devil that may sound good, but in the end are not. This is a manifesto of how much God loves each and every one of us, a manifesto of how He works in our lives, and the goodness and happiness that overflows from us if we just follow His will for us. Come with me on this journey. Some dates may only be approximate, the conversations are not exact quotes, but typical to what that person may have said, and names are changed, but it is truth. Stick with me; I am working from memory and journal entries here! Let us being walking on this path and see where the Lord takes us, and thanks for joining me!

            Recently I heard from a very good friend of mine that life is a roller coaster and we need the seatbelt of prayer in order to not fall off the roller coaster. So, on that note, I would like to begin this book with a prayer, that the words I am writing are the words God wishes me to speak.

Come Holy Spirit,

fill the hearts of your faithful and kindle in them the fire of your love.

Send forth your Spirit and they shall be created.

And You shall renew the face of the earth. 
O, God, who by the light of the Holy Spirit,

did instruct the hearts of the faithful,

grant that by the same Holy Spirit we may be truly wise

and ever enjoy His consolations,

Through Christ Our Lord,

Amen.