Oh the Mass, and how you make me think

I love going to Mass! It always gives me something good to think about. Today, my favorite song was sung! It is called The Summons. The first verse says, "Will you come and follow me if I but call your name? Will you go where you don't know and never be the same? Will you let my love be shown? Will you let my name be known, will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?" I love this, because it really tells how, if you choose to follow Christ, your life WILL be changed. But, what does God have to do to summon you? Can he just call your name and when you say, "Yes?" he can send you on your way? The readings today fit this song very well (or really the song the readings...good job Tony Ward!). The first reading is the story of Isaiah when he is called to be a prophet. God says, "Whom shall I send?" wondering who will go in his name and serve his people. Isaiah turns around (or really in my mind, which is like a movie he turns around) and says "Here I am, Lord! Send me!" To me, this the reaction we should have to the call of the gospel. Oh, Oh pick me! pick me! We should be as a little child, jumping on our chairs, using all the restraint we have to keep from running up to God, pulling on his robes, and making him pick us.

This song fits well with the gospel too. Today's gospel is the story of Jesus calling James and John, as told by St. Luke. Jesus just calls these men, who probably had never even heard of him, and asks them to drop everything and follow him. They do, and little do they know that he will send them to the ends of the earth to let his love be shown and let his name be known. They are changed forever and let him grow in them.

The fourth verse goes like this, "Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name? Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same? Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around, through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?" This verse speaks a lot to me, personally. I have had people in my life tell me that my personality isn't good. I also seem (at least to myself) to have a hard time making friendships that will last a lifetime. I  have a hard time opening myself up and letting the real me show, because I am scared of being hurt. Maybe this is why I haven't had a lot of really serious boyfriends, or why when we are separated my friends and I from back home barely speak. Or maybe why I can't seem to fit into the jobs, etc. I (think) I want to fit into. I try to hide the parts of me that I think cause these things, so I can have what I think I want. I have to trust that this is all in God's plan, because sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) it is really hard to see where God is going with all of this and what he is calling me to do. This verse reminds me that God is calling me to love the me I hide, because he made it and he things that it is beautiful. I need to rid myself of the fear that is keeping me from doing what I want to do, and use the faith that he has given me to change the world into what it should be. Maybe I will only change things in small ways. And maybe I won't have the life that I think I want, but I have to try and trust in God that all will turn out alright. If I can't trust him, who can I trust in?