Guess who's on tumblr?

Oh, that would be me! I will probably still blog from here, but I am currently posting a quote-a-day on my tumblr. I am also sharing sweet stuff that I find. So......check it out!

What Wondrous Love Is This?

Bring Me to Your Love, Lord

I wrote this last semester. It is a prayer based on Pslam 139.

Bring Me to Your Love, Lord

I, Katie, arise this day and rejoice!
I praise you, God, for your unconditional love;
you know me and love me anyway.
Your gift of peace is my great joy;
Your gift of grace is my great consolation.

When I am distressed, you comfort me.
When I am elated, you rejoice with me.
When I am sacred, you protect me.

Loving God, hear my prayer:
Open my eyes to see you in all people.
Open my ears to hear you in every voice.
Open my heart to receive the plan you have made for me.
Open my hands to hold those who have no one to hold them.
Open my mouth to speak your words.
Open my whole self to live the life you have prepared for me, even if it scares me.

Amen.

Labyrinth

At the parish we stayed at in Tuscan there was a labyrinth. A labyrinth is an ancient form of prayer. It is not a maze. There is only one path: the way in is the way out. It represents life's journey. I was reflecting on this one morning as I walked the labyrinth. The funny thing is, you can see the center. You start out walking straight towards the center, but then the path turns. Sometimes you are right next to the center, and sometimes you are as far away as you can possibly be. Sometimes you have to make a complete u-turn. I thought of these as periods of consolation and desolation. Sometimes you feel God very much and are close. Other times, you don't are you are far away from Him. Sometimes you mess up and you have to u-turn in a new direction. But you keep walking the path because ultimately it will lead you to happiness.
Then you get to the center. As much as you would want to stay there forever, you have to leave. You have to go back into the fray of winding paths and u-turns. You go through consolation and desolation, wondering if you will ever get out. You see the end and want to cheat and just leave. But you can't, because it is the path that you have chosen to take.
I don't really know why God has us walk these labyrinths, but He does and ultimately I will see the end and it will all have been worth it: I have faith in that.

Be Not Afraid

From October 17, 2010

Today we sang "Be Not Afraid" in Mass. I think that this might just be my favorite hymn. It is very apropos to sing a hymn about wandering in the desert and relying on God when we are facing the fact that people wander through the desert into this country and we will be wandering in the desert of Tuesday. I feel that I will not get through this week, especially Tuesday, without Him. The one part that is resonating with me right now is "And if wicked tongues insult and hate you all because of me, blessed, blessed are you." Being hated does not seem like a blessing. But the Bible, especially the Gospels, are full of seeming contradictions. I think right now I am wrestling with these seeming contradictions and I am trying to understand them. Why would God call us onto a path that will not be east. Why is salvation hard and what is right always the wrong thing in the eyes of society? Why do we treat others like dirt and sub-humans in the name of freedom and justice?

Broken Records.

Sorry for the immense neglect of this blog the past couple of months. School hit me hard and unexpectedly. I don't know what it is about this semester: if it is the lack of a true summer vacation or this new internship that I haven't had to balance in in the past, or something else, but I have not been in school mode this first half of the semester. I also haven't been praying as much, and let me tell you, if you think that a few minutes in prayer a day don't make a difference, try going without them and you turn into me last Friday. I was drained. Literally running on empty. I couldn't process anything and at some points I could barely stand up. I was in a complete fog and schoolwork and work-work alike were neglected. I hope my essay I turned in last week was okay. I barely remember it. I NEED to find the time for prayer, time to devote totally to God. Right now I feel like a hypocrite: the life I led and the life I preached this summer is currently a lie. I am not living Totus Tuus. Why should all of those kids believe me when I don't even live the life. I miss daily Mass, but unfortunately it is hard to get my schedule to go with it. But a few minutes of prayer a day is a lot, and I need to do it! I can do it! And after 20+ hours of sleep this weekend, I think I am ready to fix my lack of prayer and make God more a part of my life. I feel like a broken record, saying this over and over, but sometimes I take two steps back and one forward, but the important thing is that eventually I do make it forward, even if it is just a tiny bit. A relationship with God is not a one time thing, but a life long journey. I am just trying to stay on the path.

"Lord, I am not worthy to receive you...

This is an entry from my journal from last summer, but I wanted to share it. This is something I was thinking about in Mass today.

June 15, 2009

So, my favorite part of the Mass is right after the Our Father and the Sign of Peace. We sing the Lamb of God and then kneel one more time before receiving the Body and Blood of Christ. The priest raises the Body and the chalice containing the Precious Blood and says "This is the Lamb of God. This is He who takes away the sin of the world. Happy are those who are called to His table." And we reply, "Lord, I am not worthy to receive You, but only say the word and I shall be healed." This line has, recently, really started to stick out to me. There is no why that I am worthy to receive that Body of our Lord into mine. I am a sinner who, despite her best efforts, will never stop sinning. Yet, Christ says it doesn't matter. Seek forgiveness and you shall be forgiven. He loves us even though we are not worthy of Him. He gave us His Body and Blood, not because we deserve it, but because He wants us to be with Him. This is why I could never really belong to another Christian denomination. Maybe another church has better youth-oriented worship. Maybe another church has more engaging sermons week after week. But, the fact of the matter is that no other church believes that the bread and wine is no longer bread and wine, but the Body and Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ. How can I abandon a church whose core belief matches my core belief? The Church has its problems, just as any human institution will, but I will stick by it and pray for the betterment for all. I also think that this is a good prayer for every day. I have been asked before if I have "asked Jesus into my heart." Yes, I have. But I also think that it's important to remember that we are not worthy to have Him there. It is only through His grace, His words that we are even remotely worthy.

The Beginning of an End

This is my attempt to end an old way of living. I am tried of my life not being completly to Christ. I think that the first step is to pray each day, something I have lacked in doing my whole life. I want my life to be a prayer; to live a prayer. This is the story of my journey...Let's see if I can even do it.